Pour Real Life Down On Me
by FictionJunkiie
Summary: Post COG- Implied Alec/Magnus. Alec's guilt towards Max's death, one year on. One Shot- Contains COG Spoilers


The water rained down on him like the wrath of God. For two hours, six minutes and counting, Alec had sat underneath an icy shower; though he knew, he was only making it worse- and for that, he punished himself further and vowed to never leave the constant rays of icy- water. Fully clothed and shivering he sat perfectly still, doubled over, his knees clung tightly to his chest and his face buried in the wet folds of his jeans welcoming the numbing cold. He knew somewhere in his mind that this wouldn't bring Max back. _Max _.

He thought of the small boy, the youngest Lightwood sibling. Looking innocently up through his thickly framed glasses, with a large comic book clutched to his chest, looking at Alec as a role model. _Some role model he was_. Alec was always praised for being the most responsible, most caring. And Max had died thinking of him as exactly that. Though Alec knew now. He was never worthy of being any of those things. He thought of his parents, of Isabelle and Jace blinded by their own guilt, too busy to notice the real Alec within. And Alec was grateful for it. If only they were to see the real Alec, he thought, the selfish, useless, weak, **_worthless_** Alec. He let out a wail of despair, and his shoulders started to shake in large, reckless sobs. If he really were worth something- he thought to himself; he would have _been_ there_, _he _should_ have been there when it had happened- _before_ it had happened, and stopped Jonathan before it was too late_. _But now of course, it was too late.

One year later, he still remembered his mother, clutching Max's cold, lifeless body, immature and fragile. Her pale blue eyes rimmed with sadness, and her cheeks wet with tears. Stroking the small boy's unmarked arms idly whispering comfort to the ears that would never hear. He remembered Isabelle, dropping to her knees, her dark hair cascading down her back in furious waves. She screamed and called out his name uselessly. _Oh how blinded they are_, thought Alec.

And with that, Alec slid himself up the wall, balancing his shaking legs against the wet tiles and turned the nozzle off with his numb, white hand and slowly stumbled out of the bathroom. Once in his bedroom, he opened his large windows, letting the harsh winter wind slash his face raw and red. He took off his glasses but only to crumple the glass and plastic in his bare hand. He then heard a loud ringing, the source coming from his wooden bedside table. He picked up his phone with his bloody hand, and threw it across the room, and then proceeded to pick up his bedside table, only to haul it out of his large, fully open window, waiting a few moments but only to savour the crash he heard as it made contact with the cold pavement below.

He then realised his phone was still ringing, his vision blurred and unfocused without his glasses, he made his way to the other side of the room and picked it up. He stood up again but only to trip over a piece of broken wood, previously broken off of his wardrobe. As Alec hit the floor painfully, the edges of his vision faded into black nothingness, and numbly he lifted his arm and pressed the phone to his ear, choking at the voice on the other end.

"Alec?! What's going on?" his brows furrowed trying to comprehend what the voice was saying, and he inhaled,

"Ma- Magnus?" his voice broke, and he felt his muscles tense unintentionally, and the phone dropped from his grip, his vision now gone, he waited for his hearing to fade. It could have been weeks, days, minutes. He couldn't tell, a loud crashing was heard and he felt his crumpled bones being cradled into loving arms, and smelt the sweet and warm familiar mango scented breath on his cold face, as Magnus exhaled,

"Oh Alec- What have you done?" though his eyes were close he flinched from the despair sown within each letter and felt delicate fingers stroke his hair. Suddenly he heard more voices, but they all blurred together and eventually he entered a state of numbness, though he couldn't tell if he was dying, or being brought to consciousness, as his last thoughts were on Magnus, on himself, on Max.

xxxx

**So it's kinda short and to the point, but  
doing Alec/Magnus one shots  
and fanfics nowadays is really common.  
But they're always either  
About their kiss, or like random stuff  
and I got bored.. :P  
Lols- so I do apologize for the fact it's shit,  
but Read+Review? Plz?  
P.S My other Jace&Clary one-shot needs reading too! Lol**


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